terrible thoughtsnever in my life have i thought so often of death. never before have i known such thoughts to find me over and over. i feel so fucking useless. and everything feels pointless. if not for my belief that concepts like heaven and hell are fairytales meant to comfort one to the fact that death just means that the world goes on while you cease to exist, i think i would have found a way to end this...i just want this to be over. i dont think im suppose to be happy.terrible thoughts
reflectioni dont know if im the person i thought i was. i dont think the way i used to...i often dont know what im thinking or if im thinking at all. and i seem so far away from myself. i barely remember her. what was she interested in? what passions drove her? what were all those things that she used to have and think and do that made her so sure she knew herself ? i cant remember any of it. i can barely remember how i got here. i think maybe i hated myself, to have so thoroughly defeated me this way.reflection
i want to go home. i want to be myself again. i want such declarations to not blind me with a rush of tears. and yet im not really sad
hello there young manHe called me Young Man five times while wearing one of those big bad wolf grins. As he said it for a sixth time he noticed the double DD's under my polo shirt. Turning bright red then, he didnt want to look at my ass anymore.hello there young man
the cloud factoryThe place where I come from has 6 oil refineries. The towering stacks visible from all points of the town fill the sky with extremely thick smoke(almost pure white during waking hours, blacker than the night itself between three and five AM.) Those refineries were a constant fixture in my life. As a child I asked my mother what they were. She told me they make things there. What kind of things I asked of my betty cockeresque mother. Clouds, she told me. Its a cloud factory!the cloud factory
I thought that was soooo cool, a cloud factory right down the street from MY house! Not everyone can say that. I'd forgot that lie as I grew up. But at some p
